Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Ask MsItunu: I lost my virginity to a 34 year old man.

Dear MsItunu,
I strongly pray you would have a good answer or solution to my problems.
I am 18, I  just lost my virginity to a 34 year old i like so much (who is surprisingly still showing affection)
it just happened last week and i want to kill myself for it. Now i have these urges and i don’t know how to prevent them its like loosing my virginity 
has brought out the nympho in me.
So should i be feeling as awful as this and how do i get rid of the urges?
Hello Ola,
Loaded question. First you have to be honest with yourself, why are you feeling awful? You felt the need to mention that the man (is he your boyfriend?) is 34 years old so it must be of some relevance to you. How do you feel about dating a 34 year old man? It is usually harder for young girls to assert their wishes in a relationship let alone one with a much older man. So you need to be honest with yourself about the nature of your relationship and why exactly you’re in it.
I don’t know if you practice a religion, and if you do you probably know the stand on pre-marital sex so maybe this is the source of your guilt?
Sex for the first time is usually both a physical and emotional act and many argue spiritual too. These urges that you are experiencing may not be purely physical as sex tends to add another layer of intimacy to a relationship that may not have been present before. Again the nature of your relationship with this man comes into question.
There’s no point crying over the loss of your virginity as it has already happened and sadly cannot be reversed. What you need to do now is be totally honest with yourself. As mentioned earlier re-evaluate the nature of your relationship with this man and what it means to the both of you. This is where you need to be a bit more assertive and direct.
You mentioned something about the loss of your virginity bringing out the ‘nympho’ in you. I put the word nympho in quote because I believe you use the word loosely here. Ordinarily under the right circumstances, a woman having sexual urges is perfectly normal and is a sign of a healthy sex drive. However given the circumstances here, your age, the age of your partner and the nature of your relationship (which is not very clear) I’d say you might be on to something. Again you have to be completely honest with yourself. Why do you think you’re having these urges? Is it somehow influenced by your partner or are these urges personal and free from external influences?
After answering all these questions honestly, I want you to also take into consideration the fact that with sex comes a lot of responsibilities. Are you ready for these responsibilities? Can you handle it?
I believe its only after you have answered all the above questions honestly that you can begin to think of a solution.
I hope this helps, do keep me updated and if you need further advice I’d be happy to help.
Readers over to you, what advice do you have for this young lady?

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